You & Me..... | Midnights with CZ- IV

"It was too enviable.

You & Me.

Chemistry like Caesium & Water.

They devoured the dirt,

like devilish gluttons 

with a heavenly soufflé."

~ CZ

Life Without Instagram......

To my Instagram family.......

I miss you too ♥

& 

I'll be back soon.

I deactivated my account for various reasons. 

Mainly for me to not be distracted by the rest of the world (...and nonsense-but-hilarious memes) & spend too much time on my phone.

SELF DISCIPLINE, they say. 

Honestly, I don't miss it at all. I guess it's because I don't really like social media & what it has become lately.

But I miss interacting with my blog readers & other bloggers there in dm's & stories.

My screen time hasn't decreased much tho, because I play Solitaire on my phone now 😄 

If I Woke Up As A Man,If All My Makeup Could Talk | WEIRD Q & A

Typing this while watching Money Heist. 

Would I be okay in a hostage situation? Am I capable of robbing 2.4 Billion Euros?

 I pretend to ask myself, when I already know the answers.

Anyway......

One day, when I wasn't feeling well, and needed some distraction, I posted a Questions tag on Instagram : 'ASK ME A WEIRD/RIDICULOUS/EXISTENTIAL QUESTION',

and I'll be answering them in this post. It's been a month since. If you think you procrastinate too much, I'm a reminder that there are worst procrastinators out there.

Makeup Look

Few days ago, I managed to be a little patient while applying my makeup, especially eyeshadows & snuck in a photo sesh.... which, thankfully, wasn't interrupted by the dark & gloomy weather.

Usually, I've stopped wearing foundation & other face products, and my eye makeup is always... well, just the bare necessities, nothing time-consuming.

Face: 

Fenty Beauty Pro Filtr' Foundation #190 Neutral (doubled as concealer too) & MAC Studio Fix Powder NC25

Only a bit of 4U2 Love Me More Blush M4 I know You (yes, I do ;))

Eyes: 

Coral, in the center of lids Black wings - Makeup Revolution Flawless 4 Palette

Glittery blue on outer corners is Mediterranean from Anastasia Beverly Hills Riviera Palette

Orange on lower lash line- Makeup Revolution Tropical Paradise Palette

Glitter is Peri Pera Twinkle Liquid Shadow in #002 Candy Cane

Black Kohl is Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Pencil 

Brown liner pencil on lower lash line is Lakme Eyeconic Pencil

Falsies (came in a set,forgot the brand name)

38 Years Old, A Romance Novel Life & Unending Shopping Addiction

Life's been more exciting than any vacation I've ever been on. 

Not necessarily good or perfect, and I fall down a lot, but when I'm up & my antennas aren't disrupted (and I dress up a bit), it's something else.

Hot & intense, unpredictable & 'Romance Novel-esque' ;)

(This is gonna prick some people..... *ahem*)

It's true what they say, life really does begin in your late 30's, because that's when you know, without a shadow of a doubt, who you really are & who/what you WANT.

These days, my soul screams for the things it craves at 3:55 am. 

Either that, or Ziizayne has kicked me in his sleep again.

As some of you know, my birthday happened too soon again, and I am officially 38 years old now.

  I know I'm 3 weeks late with my mandatory birthday post & it's been sitting idly in my drafts since.

So, for all of you waiting to see a Birthday Haul....

Aside from my entire outfit here, I collected some things before my birthday:

LOTD: M I G R A I N E

12:07 am:

I swallow the tiny orange pill. Migraine, the neurologist had named the bastard on the

 right side of my head, after probing me with questions about my personal life & lifestyle. He had his hand under his chin & made eye contact. I had my hand on my Michael Kors 'Cynthia' satchel & made up some lies about my daily routine. 

What a dull suburban existence I painted for him. If he only knew....

1:45 am:

I'm staring at a meme of a cat clawing at a donut from 

a distance & then withdrawing, like it's an explosive. 

[Caption: 'Me on a diet']

I imagine myself at ZARA doing the same when I see another winter jacket I don't really need. 

The pill should make me drowsy by now. My head throbs & my right eye twitches. 

I shut my eyes. 

2:20 am:

I'm running my fingers on a thick vein that's popped up on my forehead.

It feels like a worm, eww! Was Monica's Thanksgiving vein like this? 

Arghh! Useless pill! 1 week & nothing!

 I'll call the Doctor tomorrow.....

*Oh, c'mon! You don't need a CT Scan! Don't treat me like your fucking enemy! 

I'm your friend & I'm here to tell you something 

that's already in your head. You know something. 

What is it? I will not leave until you see it! 

OPEN YOUR EYES! OPEN YOUR EYES, GODDAMNIT!!!*

3:43 am:

I'm sweating. My eyes & pillow are wet. I can't move. 

I saw. On the ceiling. Faces...images....answers.

Like iron on quicksand, I sink into slumber in seconds. 

11:16 am:

I toss 7 tiny orange pills I no longer need in the bin. Tricyclic Antidepressants, Google informs. 

For treatment of Migraines, Depression & Bedwetting. 

10-year-old CZ finally gets an explanation for the humiliating recurrent bedwetting. 

What child can link susu on the bed to depression? I forgive her now.

Past & Present mysteries. Unraveled.

Follow your heart, they say. But your head.... your head will always 

give you more than you bargained for - if you'd only listen to what it has to say. 

*************

Top: ZARA

Jeans: Aeropostle

Hairband: Forever 21

Lipstick: Fenty Beauty Stunna Lip Paint in Uncensored.

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Hi.....

Hi, Everyone! :)

Hope you're all doing well x

It's just been a crazy few months. I've been travelling & busy with work and new projects. Last month, Ziizayne turned 4 years old, and we were in my hometown. Had planned to post this before we left, but.... well, didn't happen.

I'd say this is my favorite summer outfit of 2018 & favorite shade of blue too.

Before I Turn 37......

Hey you all! Hope you're doing good. Me, I'm doing great, but I just can't deal with the fact that it's  already my birthday month again! How does time move so fast??! I haven't even finished writing my birthday wishlist from last year!

How do I feel about turning 37 in 2.5 weeks? Almost the same as when I turned 36, to be honest. I feel like it's like a filler age of the late 30's. Like I'm in the middle of a see-saw, and I'm.....umm, I can't complete that analogy articulately. That's how dull & irrelevant it feels like.

So....as you can see, I'm still in the gingham phase, and although I bought 2 other gingham clothing  items, I promise this is the last one I'll be posting here. I shall control myself & my 60's fixation.

But right now, please at least appreciate the matching earrings & shorts. 

Falling into 37 like..... 

(Ohhh! That's me in the middle of that see-saw.)

Veet Sensitive Touch Electric Trimmer Review

You know what's the equivalent of a Fidget Spinner in my world? (Basically, what I find relaxing & calming.)

I like to sit down on my couch, inspect my hair ends, and cut the split ends with mini eyebrow scissors. The scissors would always hurt & leave red marks on my fingers during & after. Now, instead of painful scissors, I use the NEW Veet Sensitive Touch Electric Trimmer. Because it's electronic, it feels like I'm sawing my split ends. Very satisfying!

But that's not what it's meant for, really.

What it is: An Electric Trimmer specially tailored to gently trim and precisely shape your delicate body parts, such as face, bikini and underarms.

It is also Waterproof & can be used in the shower.

*This is a NEW version, another one was launched some time back.

Accessories included: 

- 2-sided Precision Adjustable Head: 16 mm & 6 mm for optimal eyebrow shaping. 

- Comb Attachment: To uniform hair to 2 different lengths - 2 mm & 4 mm.

- Horizontal Trimming Head: 20 mm. You can use this to fully trim your bikini area & underarms. 

- 2 Comb Attachments: 2 mm & 4 mm, for trimming bikini.

- Cleaning Brush: To dust off hair that gets stuck in the trimmers. 

- Beauty Pouch: To compactly store everything especially while travelling. 

- AA battery.

Makeup Of The Day | Selfie

"How to click a selfie when you have double chin & crazy eyes."

Just kidding! ;p

I don't always do my makeup full monty anymore, but after seeing so many bridal pics that are flooding social media this time of year, I was inspired to do a plummy fall-appropriate look.

I especially like how well the base photographed. It's the 1st time I mixed these 2 foundations. 

Face: 

Smashbox Photofinish Primer Water. Shown here.

MAC Face & Body Foundation in C2 (just a thin layer)

Kat Von D Lock-It Foundation in Medium 52 (a tiny amount)

Maybelline Fit Me Concealer in #20 Sand (mostly under eyes)

Collection Lasting Perfection Concealer in Warm Medium 3 for spots. 

Inglot Translucent Loose Powder in #210

Cheeks:

Maybelline Master Flush Creator in Next To Nude. Photos & Swatches here

MAC MSF Soft & Gentle to highlight, which shows more on my cupid's bow.

Eyes:

MAC Pro Longwear Paintpot in Layin' Low as base. Shown here

Too Faced Chocolate Bon Bons Palette - I used Bordeaux on outer half 

NYX Roll-On Shimmer in Almond on inner half of lids.

Kiss Me Heroine Make False Lashes. Also worn here

Brows:

MAC Veluxe  Brow Liner in Strawberry Blonde.

Inglot Brow Shaping Pencil in #63 . Shown here

Lips

Smashbox Always On Liquid Lipstick in Girl Gang. Shown here.

(It is a nice bold shade and all, but I have to say the formula is not the best compared to other liquid lipsticks. It gets patchy easily during application and doesn't feel comfortable. I prefer Deborah Milano, Stila & NYX Lip Lingerie over this.)

♥

If you are wondering why I'm not looking at you and showing my full eye makeup,

well.... one of my eyelashes had popped out at the inner corner on one eye (I just gave up on it!), and you girls who wear falsies understand this annoying problem very well =D

Also, I have run out of good eyelash glue -  I mean Eylure.

That and my crappy selfie-clicking skills!

I hate clicking selfies, because no matter how cute I think I look in the mirror, I always look 10x less cute on my phone camera....haha! ;p

Happy Friday, Everyone!

I'm so J of you all who are off to Black Friday sales! =)

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Gingham Pants & Favorite Sunglasses {OOTD}

I took these pants into the trial room with me, fully prepared to see they'd look totally hideous on me - like most woven & non-stretchy pants. You don't know how many cute floral woven pants I've had to walk away from, because they just never sit well - there's always a disagreement between the waist, thigh, crotch & behind areas. I'd always try 25 & 26 - and I mean 3-5 times each. By the time I left the trial rooms, I used to feel like fainting! 

But these! The specs are just perfect + the flare & slits at the bottom make them heels-friendly, and the zipper & bow at the waist!

 Next summer, I'm buying floral fabric & taking it to a tailor along with these pants. Cut & make egg-jackly like them, I'll tell him.

Tough Like Leather ~ Delicate Like Lace

{ 20.05.2017 }

As the plane wobbled like it's flirting with a free fall, and the fluffy cotton out the window turned to masses of ash,

Mom's voice echoed in my head: 

"But that's what they say. People often die close to their birthdays.", 

she'd tell me like it's an urban myth proven true after one too many obituaries.

This must be it. I'm gonna die today.

Haven't I always thought this is one way I'd go?

Okay, maybe that has a lot to do with LOST.

"Please remain seated, and keep your seat belts...."

I was staring at my palm.

"You won't live a very long life. 30-35, maybe. See?", 

an amateur palmist had pointed to my life line that's about an inch point something too short - according to her book.

A few successively jerks, and the eerie sound of metal creaking underneath made me grab both armrests.

I feel cold! I need a blanket!

Coffee. No, tea! No, coffee!

I need a hand to hold!

This. This is why you shouldn't fly solo!

Why is everyone so quiet??!!

Okay. 

It's okay.

Lean back. Close eyes. 

....................

....................

~ Little hands, cupping my face. ~

....................

....................

~ An old over-read text message. ~

....................

....................

~ Watching my Grandfather write letters  at 5 am. ~

....................

....................

~  A stranger walking towards me. ~

....................

....................

~  Meredith Grey shouting, "But what about HER?! " ~

....................

....................

~ A relieved face over my coffin. ~

....................

Just when my emotions started queuing behind my eyes.....

..... the sunlight hit my face.

*******

LOTD | Quotes That Changed My Life & Perspective

Hello, I'm Cynthia.

 .....and I'm a Quotes Addict. 

Seriously, if I ever come out with a book someday, that is how I did it. Because, you know.... 

"You become what you do everyday." 

Hahaha!

And this is partly what I meant by Rabbit Hole in this post.

Words really are powerful. They can change how you live your life & make you 

see things in a different light.

That's why I wanted to share my favorites in a blog post. 

Well, they're really just a few of my favorites!

*Please note: I don't know or remember the source of most of them.

"

Look for the answer within your question. ~ Rumi

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. ~ Mo Willems.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape & pointy horns. 

He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

When you say "Yes" to others make sure you are not saying "No" to yourself.

Know your worth, then add tax.

They start to miss you when they fail to replace you.

When someone says "You've changed", it simply means you've stopped living your life their way.

Before taking down a wall, remember why you put it there in the first place.

Beware of Destination Addiction — a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is 

somewhere else, it will never be where you are.

I AM YOURS. DON'T GIVE MYSELF BACK TO ME. ~ Rumi

Making a big life change is pretty scary. But you know what's even scarier? Regret.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. ~ Milton Berle.

Something I learned about people....If they do it once, they'll do it again.

Sometimes God doesn't change your situation, because he is trying to change your heart.

Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil. And those who come to grab the fruit.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. ~ Dalai Lama

I'm on the hunt for who I've not yet become.

You only lose what you cling to.

Fashion is what you buy. Style is what you do with it.

Don't be part of the gossip. Be the gossip.

"

After Valentine's Day | LOTD

"What did you wish for?", she asked him.

He looked down, and kicked an imaginary pebble on the ground.

"Never mind. I shouldn't be asking.", she said with a smile. He wasn't looking at her.

Still not looking at her, he answered,  "It used to be something unattainable. Like a private jet, a lifetime supply of everything Nintendo, waking up next to Sunny Leone, to be Batman once a month ..... but now.... it's something right in front of me, yet just as unattainable, and probably something I kinda already know I'll never have.....", then his eyes met hers before she could look away ".....that heart of yours."

Like a punctuation to his words, a single tear rolled down her left eye. Like it's the only rational thing to do, she hugged him. As she listened to his heart beat faster, and felt his hand in her hair, she shut her eyes as tightly as she possibly could, in an attempt to shoo a single thought she wished she could forget forever. No, please, go awa..... *I wished it was him instead of you.*

Shooting stars didn't grant wishes after all. 

 ♥ 

Red Dress: GUESS

Red Heart Sunglasses: Aldo

Red Lipstick: Chambor Extreme Wear Transfer Proof 431 Firey Red.

Red Nail Polish: L'Oreal Color Riche 408 Exquisite Scarlet

Watch: Michael Kors

White Heart Earrings: H&M

Rose Gold Rings: H&M

Travel Cup: Cath Kidston (you can probably GUESS why ;))

Teaser......{COMING SOON!}

{COMING SOON!}

..........................

................................

Almost 4 years ago.....

Fifty Shades Of Grey

(Full post HERE)

 ♥ 

Laters baby...... ;)

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What's Christmas Like?

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! Hope you're having a day filled with love & happiness.

Well, I didn't really have a Christmas post lined up, coz it's been hectic lately. So I decided to use these pics (where my hair is a mess, btw)

Let's talk about deep, meaningful things in between.

What's your Christmas like?

Mine:

~ Discovering too late that the tree lights are all spoiled. It's okay, I'll get new ones after Christmas, before New Year's Eve.

~ There's a Santa soft toy from Hamley's, that I don't mind my son doesn't appreciate, because I secretly got him for myself. I whisper "Dear Santa, please........" in his ears, which he doesn't really have.

~ Watching Ziizayne mimic the facial expressions & dance moves in Sia's The Greatest. When I was pregnant with him, I used to blast Chandelier in my ears, btw.

~ Making plans to go out, and then decide it's too cold. 

~ Finding out that the geyser is broken while already under the shower.   

~ Watching Ziizayne play with his main Christmas present - a car track thing, and being enthu with one battery-operated car that comes with it more than he is. 

~ Christening my new The Body Shop Body Butters that I was gifted- Vanilla Chai & Frosted Berries. Both yum!

~ Not wanting to eat anything sweet & Christmassy.  Ordered spicy Indian food instead - Laal Maas from Coriander Leaf Restaurant. It's the best mutton curry ever!

~ Wanting to listen to long-time favorite Christmas songs - Last Christmas, All I Want For Christmas.... but finding them too peppy. 

~ Blasting R&B/Rap instead. A new artist I just discovered - NF. Listen to All I Have & Wait if you want to know what lyrics are filling my head.  

~ Feeling gangsta - in pyjamas - trying to ignore the pain from one remaining wisdom tooth. 

~ Waiting for 9 pm  8:30 pm 11 pm, so I can open the new wine - White.

Let me back some of those up with a pic:

XO, M U S E.

What should I say? That I......

Nah, not that. Don't say that.

What about where I've been?

Nope. Don't go there. You'll bring everybody down.

C'mon! You're overthinking again!

Ummm....You c'mon, genius! Tell me then, tell me what to say. You know exactly where my head is!

Okay....

~ How about you managed to survive on 50 rupees in your wallet since the demonetization. You saw the new 2000 rupee notes only yesterday. You thought they'd be pink, and felt *phus* when you saw they're purple? 

~ How about you're listening to August Alsina's 'I Luv This Sh*t' & 'Ae Dil Hai Mushkil' as you're typing this? Shuffling between: I'm just trying to chill cause I'm way too drunk to be talking like this I'm way too high to be tripping like this

I'm way too young to be living like this & ज़मीन पे न सही तो आसमा तोह आ मिल 

~ How about you're now hooked to a new tv show - The Missing, Season 2?

~ How about Ziizayne now yells 'Mummaaaaa!', says 'Oh-kay!', 'Shoes', and 'Moo!' when he sees cows?

~ How about you're now only into black or nude/muted rose nail polish shades, and you find corals & pinks almost repulsive? This is when they should probably understand your state of mind.

~ How about you think the new Lakmé 9to5 Mousse Lip & Cheek Color are awesome?

~ How about you're kinda obsessed with the word 'Quinoa' - keeen-waaah!  

~ How about you've decided you're going to become a Lawyer? The kind that would carry night vision goggles & have a snitch in prison.

~ How about you found inspiration in the most unlikely place.... the most hopeless situation.... the most unlikely person.....?

~ How about........

Top: Forever 21

Skirt: Forever 21

Lace Belt: Forever New

Shoes: Heatwave

Bag: Palomino

Earrings: Forever 21

Heart Ring: Accessorize

Owl Ring: Accessorize 

Watch: Michael Kors

Black Nail Polish: Colorbar

Lipstick: Lakmé 9to5 Mousse Lip & Cheek Color in Blush Velvet

Photos by: Dhruv Narang Photography 

♥ 

HAPPY DECEMBER, everyone! =)

Feels darn good to be back. I've missed you all so much!

Love You for still being here & Thanks a million for all the emails/messages that some of you sent my way when I was in hibernation

Speak again soon! xx

................

~ ........ quoting Walter White - 'I am awake.'?

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