This blog post was inspired by a very touching email I got from a reader recently. It's a story about her life that she shared with me. I thought it was one of the sweetest things, for someone to tell somebody they'd never met something personal & heartbreaking. She also requested me to blog more regularly again, because it's what she looks forward to, and she added that she finds me relatable. That alone made me want to just come here and post something! I wanna take this moment to apologize to everyone who feels the same way, I know I've been leaving you hanging....and maybe a lil' confused.
I also wanna say to every one else who's going through a hard time, and you find yourself on a broken road, please know that you're not alone. I've been there, and so have a lot of the people I've met over the past few months. Everyone is battling something, everyone is masking something too personal or painful to talk about. But in time, it gets better. You'll feel better. And one day, you'll find yourself thinking - "This wouldn't have happened if that hadn't happened to me." - with gratitude.
I can't promise you my own story, because I see no logic in talking about things you want to forget or simply move on from, you know. Also, I'm not very good at talking about serious matters on this platform. Even now, I already feel uncomfortable & if it was in real life/in person, I would probably be saying something stupid or quote an overused phrase at this point.
So for now, I hope me making this impromptu personal post EXTRApersonal by posing in my nightwear & bathroom would be like our little virtual slumber party & help us reconnect again! =D
Take out your pennies for my.....
(Random)
2 AM Thoughts......
(Hoping I'll be able to buy something pretty with them when this is over.
I'm thinking....a perfume, with a bow on it!)
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~ I'll be 40 years old in 4 years. Woohoo! I can't wait to still not know what I'm doing with my life & to stillx10 doubt that I'm a good parent. I mean, look at me at 36 - I doodle on bathroom mirrors... and I stole one of Ziizayne's new Hot Wheels cars (because I liked it too much and I was afraid he'd throw it around!) I wonder what magnetic gadget thingy I need to stick it on my dashboard.
~ Nothing haunts me like the tenses I messed up. PLACE, not Placed! Both are fine really, but ugh!
~ Hey, and what about comebacks? The fantastically witty ones that surface, like, 2 days later? What about those, you useless!
~ Man, was that Keratin Hair Treatment a mistake! All smooth and shiny right after, but 5 months later, it was like picking up a little head from the drain ever week!
~ BUT! 5 overnight-soaked almonds first thing in the morning are making a difference already! Oh shucks, I forgot to soak them again!
"
Me: Baby, who's she?
(I held up a Wonderwoman figurine you get with Cadbury's Lickables)
Ziizayne: Mommy!
Me: Hahaha.... Really?!! Is she Mommy? She is, isn't she?!
10 mins later, I needed more convincing:
Me: Baby, who's this?
Ziizayne: MOMMY!
Me: Aww...! That's right!
*ignores 2 new piles of unfolded laundry*
"
~ I still can't believe mushroom is a fungus. Like, a fungus.
~ Sigh, why does my soul get this attached to kind strangers I meet once & never see again? Do they think about me at all? Like that flight attendant who gave me a reclining seat with more leg room.
~ Thinking of attachments, does Wine miss me? Is it J of OJ?
Hahaha.... good one, CZ.
♩ ♪ ♫ Cold enough to chill my bones
It feels like I don't know you anymore
I don't understand why you're so cold to me
With every breath you breathe
I see there's something going on
I don't understand why you're so cold."♬ ♭ ♮ ♯
Adam Levine with platinum hair & contrasting dark beard... and leather jacket.
~ So excited to use my new carpet & upholstery spray shampoo! I'm gonna try it on those Kinder Joy stains on the sofas too. Son, why you do these things?
~ GINGHAM. Gingham everything. Bralette with matching head wrap. But not cotton.
Or maybe cotton. I don't know.
~ When will I be able to really do it? Delete Facebook, delete Instagram - for good. Facebook is like my friends/family bulletin + Newspaper, and Instagram is my rabbit hole. So....
~ I don't belong in this generation, do I?
No hand-written letters, no vintage cars, no gentlemen in waistcoats & hats.
I belong in a past world where I can wear a plaid mini shift dress, a cloche hat & elbow-length gloves to the airport, and not get any 'wthisw' looks (wth is she wearing). And we can forget about me in same outfit running after a Rajdhani train that's transporting my soldier (husband) (lover) fiancé back to camp!
♥ Chester Bennington ♥
How strange, 2 days before you left for good, I was listening to 'Numb' on loop.
I'm sorry this world is a cruel place sometimes.
~ Really, is anybody happy anymore? I mean, truly & ridiculously happy.
~ Yawn. Sleep now. Clear head.
..................
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~ I feel like baking a cake. I should really start baking again!
Sponge cake with hazelnut cream filling & wafer-type crust.
Crust. Crust. Crust. I think it's my 'MOIST'.
(HIMYM?)
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~ You shush, Heart!
Unless it's:
Carpe Diem or Treat Yo Self,
I don't wanna hear it!
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Wearing my favorite nightwear (mainly coz they are so matching) :
Lace Bodysuit
Shorts
Fluffy Eye Mask
All from Hunkemoller.
Surprise!
I've attached pics of what I'm talking about up there below =)
(click to enlarge).....
Happy last week of July, everyone!
Shh....listen....
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That's Santa pumped up & catching his breath on the treadmill.
Echoing ALL your sentiments, grammar mistakes et all. Yes, this unhappiness is all-pervasive and there's no escape from this mist/wave/tsunami of depression. And argggh, Keratin...never again!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Yes, the song gives me the shivers.
P.P.S. Double-sided tape to stick anything on to the dashboard.
LivingUnscripted
Haha, glad I'm not alone on those...and thanks for the tip! :)
Delete<3
Loved this post. Yes, we're all fighting our own little battles daily, dealing with our own insecurities and guess what, the filtered perfection of Instagram pictures just makes it worse. I'm two years away from 40 and have realised that life is so much more than the sum of all these tiny, "captured on social media for eternity" moments. And yes, I'm happy 😊
ReplyDeletePS- Miss your posts though.
I agree Dollie! I'm so glad, stay happy always :) :*
Delete<3
Loved this post. Yes, we're all fighting our own little battles daily, dealing with our own insecurities and guess what, the filtered perfection of Instagram pictures just makes it worse. I'm two years away from 40 and have realised that life is so much more than the sum of all these tiny, "captured on social media for eternity" moments. And yes, I'm happy 😊
ReplyDeletePS- Miss your posts though.
Oh CZ you have a way with words! beautiful way with words. I read this sitting at work and you transported me somewhere I've never been before. so dreamy! I'll be sad to see you go off Insta and Facebook. So please keep stalling that decision. Looking forward to more ramblings..as and when you can ;)
ReplyDeleteReally?! Thank you, I'm glad I can transport you away from reality for a bit =D
DeleteAnd yes, I don't think I'm leaving Insta & FB for a while at least, I'll feel like a cavewoman haha
<3
Hey! Yes, we 'strangers' do miss you. I remember seeing you in Lajpat Nagar and calling your name out loud and you were all so happy to be able to say hi to one of your followers. Then, I remember seeing you in Select CIty Walk Mall, Saket but I didn't greet you then bcz I thought it can't be so random to bump into you so often. It must be stalking. :D
ReplyDeleteJust want to let you know you & your posts inspire us. Let them coming please.
Aww...Bhawna! Of course I remember you, and our random encounters, you gorgeous woman! Thank you for the kind words always :*
Delete<3
Duno what to say. Missed ur posts as well but hope that everything's ok with u or will be. Take care.
ReplyDeleteHey, don't worry.... I'm very much okay :)
Delete<3
Nice post,.. Loved the way you relate and tell everything in one small post :)
ReplyDeleteThanks...Happy you like it Shilpa :)
Delete<3
And, your posts have been missed, good to see you back.
ReplyDeleteAll of us are fighting our own battles, yes, wish oodles of strength to you.
-been a blogger before, don't have an account.
Hey Ann, thank you....My best wishes to you too! :)
Delete<3